alone for awhile, all the while praying for wisdom and strength. The Lord gave me the verse, "Trust the Lord with all your heart and LEAN NOT on your OWN understanding." (Proverbs 3:5) Suddenly I realized that I had been, in fact, leaning on my own understanding. I wasn't trusting God to bring forth this delivery, but I was trusting my own knowledge and experience of childbirth. I knew all the things to do for "stalled labor" and had tried them, but nothing had worked. Now I needed to trust in the Lord. I prayed for forgiveness at my arrogance and I started realizing that this wasn't the only time I had leaned on my own understanding. The Lord showed me that I had moved away from Him over the past year. He was still very much a "part" of
Quietly I prayed and sought God, asking for forgiveness - asking for wisdom, strength, patience and faith. I had my eyes closed with my head leaning on the side of the hot tub. Suddenly I was aware of light on my face. A beam of sunlight was shining through the curtains on me and the verse came to mind "The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?" (Psalm 27:1) I felt a renewed sense of strength and concentrated on the task at hand. Mike had come down and joined me in the room. I told him that the baby was moving down and would be born soon. I had started bearing down with contractions and felt her moving down the birth canal. I knew that I needed to trust in the Lord, not in my knowledge or understanding and that I felt this was something I needed to do on my own. It felt so right with just the two of us and God there.
About that time the phone rang. Tori was up now and answered. It was Judy calling to say that she was on her way and would be here in about 45 minutes. Unbeknownst to me, Mike had called her when I got in the tub and she headed out then. Tori told her I was pushing with contractions and she said she'd hurry. The phone rang again. This time my mom was calling. While she was on the phone, the other kids got up and started filtering into the room.
From then on, I lost that sense of peace and quiet. My concentration was no longer on the birth and my contractions started spacing out. When Judy arrived, I got out of the tub and everything stopped again.
I think that was the point that my frustration reached its highest point. I excused myself and went upstairs to my room. I got my Bible and hit my knees. Why? Why had I been so close to delivering this baby and now nothing? Why had things stopped again when Judy called?
Then I realized why. Since we had moved, I faced the very real possibility that Judy would not make it to the birth. We live in the snow belt and get an average of 13' of snow per year. It takes Judy 1 ½ hours to get to our house when the weather is nice and I knew if we had snow it would take much longer. I also knew that my last baby was born 1 hour after active labor kicked in and if things progressed the same way, she definitely would not get here in time. Mentally, I was prepared for that possibility. Every time I visualized this birth in my mind, Judy was not here. It was just Mike and me and the kids and God. : )
Could it be that my 'reality' didn't match my 'mental image' of this birth? Had I gotten so used to the possibility of an unassisted birth that my body shut down when Judy arrived?
All I knew was that I needed to "trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding". I spent the better part of the day alone upstairs praying, getting to know God again on a very real level and reading His word. Doubts crept in and I started to fear - how much longer? My water had been broken for over 24 hours now. My Bible dropped open and I read "Remain steadfast - your labor is not in vain" (I know this passage was not written in the context of childbirth labor, but it was what I needed to hear.) I knew then that the Lord was in this and that the whole purpose for my labor 'pattern' was to draw me closer to God. I looked up Proverbs 3 and read the whole chapter. It seemed as if the whole chapter was written for my own benefit.
Meanwhile, downstairs, the kids were wild. They were running around yelling, screaming, fighting and just generally making a lot of noise. I knew that the sense of peace I'd had that morning was not to be found any time soon and I also knew that we needed someone else to care for them so that Mike and Judy could keep their attention on the birth - whenever it was to take place.
I asked Mike to call my sister and ask her to come. It was now Friday about 4:30 and she would be getting off work soon for the weekend. She said she could come, but had a couple of things she HAD to do after work, but she would be here as soon as she could (she also lives over two hours away). When she called my Mom to tell her she was coming, my mom started packing and decided to come with her. My Mom has been here for all my births, but due to health reasons, didn't feel she could make it this time.
